I feel like Ringo, and it's ripping my eyes out

Oh the pain! Oh poor me! I am the only person who has ever felt this way in the entire history of the human race! My pain is much more intense than that ever experienced by anyone else! I alone am the one who truly feels! Who truly knows!

I am the complete human experience!

However, I am also a self centred imbecile who uses too many exclamation marks!

Anyhoo, enough of this teen-style spoken word effluent. Best to stop it before I start wearing berets like normal people wear shoes.

Hmm... that really crap simile has given me an idea. I may consider putting in an application for an arts grant. It will be a production where I sing songs from playschool like:

Do you put your hat on your foot?

On your foot?

Your hat on your foot?

Aha!!!!

And when I get to the "Aha!!!!" bit, it will be screamed in a manner which begins as a low growling and ends in a banshee style scream. I will then put berets on my feet in an overly elaborate pantomime fashion and stomp around the stage sneering at the audience.

It will provoke serious discussion on the messages being sent to children by television.




So... how the hell do people actually do stuff like that and take it seriously? And how do the people in charge of giving out the grants not go insane? I would start screaming at people. What the hell are you doing!!!!!! You want money to do what!!!!!!!!

The only time I tried to write anything that was serious and poetic was when I was in high school. It was so appalling I felt embarassed immediately so I destroyed it right there and then. I then became a bit depressed at my inability to write anything meaningful, which made me feel an even stronger urge to "express myself".

I ended up drawing a really angry picture of someone with a cranky face instead. Oh for a 6B pencil!