Random Junk Mosaic #83

Another collection of stuff, neatly assembled into dot points.

• I accidentally wrote "Plague" instead of "Plaque" today, which I found rather amusing. It made quite a dramatic change to the sentence I was writing - "I need to get the doggie dentist to clean the plague off of my dog’s teeth."

• Henry Rollins is very cool, in an "I am going to do my bit to make the world a better place, and if that means I have to work around the clock then I will," super-awesome kind of way. He is actually using his fame to do things for causes that he is passionate about. He was interviewed on the radio last week, and amongst a bunch of stuff on important issues he said "I take my inspiration from people who are so far above my potential that all I can do is worship them." For some reason that stuck with me. It is way cooler when you hear him say it, believe me. I mostly like the fact that he is out there engaging with people about difficult issues instead of just hanging around being a rock star. And he likes blogging.

• Ads promoting TV news are annoying. In the past I would have called them newsbreaks, because they used to give people the top stories in a short space of time. Now they are like movie trailers just teasing you with a snippet of information. They are loud and dramatic, and the newsreaders use that special tone of voice so that everything sounds like "this is so important that you can't afford to miss it!!!" A lot of stories don't deserve to be spoken about like that. Didn’t their parents tell them the story of the boy who cried wolf? The people who are interested in what is going on in the world will watch the news anyway, they’re just trying to boost their ratings with people who don’t normally tune in. I used to be able to choose the networks that didn’t do that, but even the formerly sensible ABC and SBS do it these days. Sigh.

• I bought Spiderbait's best of CD/DVD thing today. I have been meaning to buy anything of theirs for about ten years. Glad I finally got around to it, because I played it and for every single song I had a little "Woo Hoo! I love this song!" moment. You can actually listen to it on their website. I've noticed that their cover of Black Betty has been in a couple of movies. It kind of sucks that such a good band might be best known for doing a cover version of a song my mum used to do dance routines to in high school. Especially after they've been around for such a long time.

All donations of random junk are welcome.

Yeah!

The final score:

5-7 7-5 6-0 6-2

Aaaaaaawww! Federer is getting all emotional in his acceptance speech!

*hugs the television*

Enforced learning

One day I will no longer have to study things that require the use of crayons and coloured pens to make them memorable. I should have appreciated uni much more than I did. Silly little teenage Skvid, what were you thinking? It may have seemed like too much effort at the time, but at least I didn't have to keep getting up and running around the room just to stay awake.

The men's final of the Australian Open is on right now. I usually go for the underdog (I am Australian, that's what we do,) but I want Federer to win. Even though he's world number one and unbeaten in grand slam finals, and even though it would be a fairytale finish if the unseeded player who no-one had heard of before were to go on and win, I still want Federer to win. I feel like I should have a good reason for choosing a side, but it's a sporting contest. I don't need one.

Sorry for the brief absence, but I have my excuses...

*cough*

Pity me, for I have been suffering some sort of sickness (sorry if you have a lisp and were reading that out loud.) Whatever disease I've got has slowly been making its way into my brain. I hope it doesn't mistake it for an all you can eat buffet. That could get nasty, especially if Uncle Ben gets in another argument with some little old lady who's just taken the last of the pasta salad.

I just decided that my long overdue new year's resolutions are to:

1. Learn how to use the camera a bit better (my visually impaired grandmother could have taken a better photo)

2. Get my feverish little hands on some kind of image altering software (because everything that is not perfect must be digitally enhanced until it is!!!)

3. Not draw things in pencil if there's any chance of me involving them in my blogging adventures

8. Learn to count

Hur hur hur *splat*

That's right. It's gone to my brain. In my first burst of sensible-ness in days, I shall now lock the computer and throw away the keys...

Employ me! You know you want to!

I was just browsing through some job ads and I found one with this:

Nameless Company has position vacant for an individual with an infectious personality.

My personality is infectious. Should I apply? My mood swings could throw a satellite out of orbit...

Yep

My friends are awesome. The weekend was good, but the combination of sleepiness and frustration that I am currently experiencing makes any description of events impossible. Plus I am pissed off about missing out on the Big Day Out. Best to try and pretend it never happened. Either that or I will rant about it some other time.

I am stuck on the computer, and my internet connection is as outdated as Prince Charles' taste in novelty cufflinks. Being in blogger isn't really helping things, but I had to let you know that my last post was my 50th one!

Of course now I can't remember which one it was...

Oh yeah, it was about politics. In that case it's probably best not to look. Sorry about that. Should’ve at least tried to make it something good...

So now I’ve used up a few more of the precious keystrokes that I have left. When they're all gone, RSI will take hold of my frail little wrists and it won't give them back. One day nursing homes will be filled with ex-bloggers. Their eyes vacant, their writsts swathed in bandages.

See you there kids.

The Bold And The Beautiful The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

Senator Robert Hill (the Honourable, etc) resigned today. He’s been in the senate for 25 years. Or to put it another way, for my entire life.

The real reason for my interest in this issue is that I watch politics as if it were a soap opera. Sure, it’s a dodgy low-budget affair, with mostly crap actors who have difficulty remembering their lines, but then I watched Big Brother last year when I promised myself I wasn’t going to.

I watched it too much, and now I'm sucked in because I got to know some of the characters. They are mostly the kind of people you “love to hate.” Sometimes they get their come-uppance, but mostly things keep going their way, while you scream “You idiots! He’s the one behind all the bad stuff going on and you haven’t even noticed!” before throwing your soiled copy of the Hansard at the screen in disgust.

They don’t follow the rules nearly as well as they should for a show that’s been going this long, but at least they know to stick with the same predictable formula that they had when they started. Let’s hope they don’t resort to the sort of glamour makeover that would alienate loyal viewers, ala The Bill.

They are also lacking a bit in the confusing incestuous relationships department. Sure, there was the Tony Abbott paternity thing, but it would have been so much better if Barnaby Joyce had turned out to be his son instead. Then they could have portrayed Barnaby as a rebellious child trying to step out of his father's shadow by crossing the floor. Other than that I can’t think of anything else since the whole Cheryl Kernot and Gareth Evans affair. That's pathetic. I think their writers need to work on that angle, especially if they want to get the much saught after Channel 10 demographic involved.

I can’t wait until they run out of storylines and start resorting to demonic possessions and people returning from the dead to keep people watching! Wait… have they started that already?

Go Tony Go!

My money is on him to be given the role of Defence Minister. Apparently it’s between him and Minchin. It was a bit of shoddy miscasting to have him in the role of Health Minister, I can’t believe they got away with it for this long.

I love the last line of this report about The Resignation:

“The Federal Opposition says any move to appoint him to the UN would be diplomatic prostitution.”

Now there are some writers who have got the right idea.



PS This is completely unrelated, but I just read it, so I thought I’d chuck it on the end here. I tend to do about 8 things at once while on the pooter, which goes a long way towards explaining the quality of some of my posts. It made me laugh so loudly that I got yelled at. I only hope that you, dear readers, imaginary as you may be, find it similarly heckle-inducing.

PPS It was my birthday the other day. But will anyone get this far through my post to find that out?

Some Advice

1. The Sunshine State - Sure it's pretty, just don't touch anything.

If you are in Queensland, don’t get sick right now.

Don’t hurt yourself, hold off on developing symptoms of congenital diseases, tell your cancer not to start growing until further notice and definitely avoid all completely unavoidable life threatening accidents.

The Queensland health system is fucked “ailing” fucked.

Especially don’t have a car accident right out the front of a hospital. You might die.


2. Telemarketers – It’s not their fault they're less welcome than R2D2 in an Amish community.

If you call my house and I don’t answer, do as the robot lady says and please leave a message. I may be home and want to talk to you, but I am probably hiding from telemarketers.

I feel sorry for them. Half of their workforce is probably made up of people with sick family members who must be kept away from the public health care system at all costs. Private health care isn’t cheap, and cold-calling in the evenings may sometimes be necessary to support it.

Sometimes I just can’t face coming up with an excuse to get them off the phone. They are much better at keeping me on the phone than I am at getting myself off of it. So just because I don’t answer the phone it doesn’t mean I’m not home or that I’m avoiding you. Of course I love you. Don’t be so paranoid.

I should start using song lyrics for titles again

This morning I was walking through the paddock with half a bale of hay under one arm, as I do every morning. The horsies have gotta eat, and they gotta eat a lot. In case you are wondering, hay is scratchy and awkward.

Did you see that picture of the horse in my last post? Well if you didn't, read this first and then scroll down and swear at him for me.

That particular beastie snuck up behind me (yeah, ok, so I was a little sleepy), and grabbed a big mouthful of hay in his nasty horsey mouth. With his mouthful of hay, he also caught the wire to my earphones, ripping them out of my poor little ears.

I yelled at him (‘cause that’s super naughty!), but I had to keep walking so that I didn’t drop the hay everywhere.

I spread the hay out, turned around, and there he was with my earphones still in his mouth!!!

“Uhhh... This hay is all funny-like”

I actually had to open his mouth up to get them out. Have a look at the pic. He had a good old chew.

Bastard!!!





Lucky it was only my cheap shit pair for my cheap shit radio, and not an ipod or something.

I can’t have nice things. Horses always break them.

All I have to show for my weekend...

Don't know much about art, but I'll have a crack at it anyway...

I’ve gone all arty again, and this time it’s got pretty colours! Once again, it is just a case of drawing due to bored-ness.

In the hope of posting something vaguely relevant to a picture of some weird bird, I will now put in a little plug for Gregor Stronach's article on art at Rum and Monkey. It made me laugh when I was having a shitty day. I’d show it to my mother, because she is an arty type and would probably appreciate it, but she tends to switch off as soon as there is swearing.

Perhaps I could get the SBS voiceover guy to come in and say that it “contains material that may offend some viewers.” That SBS guy has the best voice. I love the way he says “adult themes.”

Perhaps I can record him as a ringtone for my new personal shitbox mobile phone. I had part of the theme to Monkey on my old one. It went "born from an egg on a mountain top" every time I got a text message.

That was such a good show. I just had a look at the IMDb page for Monkey (Saiyuki), and found out some interesting things. The English voiceover cast includes Miriam Margolyes (who has been in heaps of stuff, but would be best known as professor Sprout in the Harry Potter movies), and Andrew Sachs (best known as Manuel in Fawlty Towers).

David Collings has a very interesting CV. In addition to being the voice of the great sage, equal of heaven, he also did the voice of Rattus on The Ferals, and was a puppeteer on Bananas in Pyjamas at the age of 61.

I love having a ramble through Skvid City on a saturday afternoon.

Costello = “Ferret Face” ???

So I was watching M*A*S*H repeats the other day...






...and I am very scared right now.

One of these men is next in line to be our Prime Minister.

Random Crankiness

My mother learnt to type on a typewriter. I hate it when she comes here to use my computer. She thumps away on my poor little keyboard so hard I think she’s going to go right through to the desk. Poor little keyboard, it is old and I'm sure it won't be able to cope for much longer!

I just learnt a new way to annoy people to use the wonderful technology now at my fingertips. One day I will actually learn a bit of html or something, so I can make this blog look much cooler.

Tolstoy would have come up with a much better title

I think I need to read Anna Karenina (I love a name that you can dance to.) I think I’ll give War and Peace a go as well. I read an article about Tolstoy in a National Geographic from 1986 today. It will be the 100th anniversary of his death in 2 years. If I start reading War and Peace now I may have it finished by then.

More words that are much cooler than the word I was trying to write

Damn autocorrect makes me type with lazy fingers. I’d switch it off, if it didn't take so much effort.

Vehicel (vehicle)
Balacne (balance)
Poptions (options)
Frined (friend)
Netwrok (network)
Compotent & Compontent (2 for component – I’m really good at that one)

And finally…

Autocrorect (autocorrect)

Is it weird that I keep a list of these? Going on past experience, if I feel the need to ask then the answer is probably yes.

Something about them appeals to me. They are nice.

Try to use them in a sentence...

Much sleepiness

I keep logging in, then realising that I have absolutely nothing to say. I want to post something, so I'm posting this.

The most important thing I have learnt in the last week is that drunk people aren't much help when you're trying to think up resolutions.

It is still really hot.

Thankyou for your attention.